Why I am Thankful for My Divorce

how to start a new life

After having gone through a rough divorce, I knew that my life was going to change. I knew that this self-pity and my wallowing in the past wasn’t helping my mood and that I would have to chin up and keep going about my daily life—after all I had a job, bills, and even children.

I won’t lie when I say that I think about my ex every now and then, sometimes it comes out of the blue and I’m struck with a particularly bittersweet memory that brings me to my knees. I have to force myself to get up and remember that good times will come again, hopefully with someone who will be able to give me the things I truly need in a relationship.

Perhaps the hardest part of going through a divorce is not spending the time with my kids. The ex takes the little ones for what seems like weeks when it is only a day or two at a time; but, even that short amount of time is the time I won’t ever get back. It is the time that I’m missing—who knows what funny thing she did or what question she asked that I should be answering, not someone else.

Living a life that we once shared, alone, is hard. We had a routine, my ex and I. I would cook and they would clean. I would put the children to bed, and they would get them up. We shared the work load, but now? Now I do it all alone.

Going through a divorce makes me constantly question myself and my actions. Am I doing this right? Am I being a good co-parent, even though I want to be selfish and keep my child away from the ex, who I know has just as much right to see our child as I do…? Am I making enough of an effort to keep my sanity or am I just faking it all with the hopes of having some kind of epiphany of how to make this disaster of a situation called my life.

I’ll tell you what though? As painful as a divorce can be, I don’t harbor nothing but hatred for divorce. In fact, in some small way… I’m loving it. Now before you throw me the side eye, hear me out!

Divorce has made me stronger. It’s made me step up and be the best other parent I can be. It’s made me want to take care of myself and make sure my home, my health, and career, are going smoothly so that I have stuff to focus on rather than the pain I’m feeling.

I’ve had to learn some hard lessons, but they’ve brought out the very best in me and now I can tackle any situation with a thoughtful mind and the empathy that is required for the tough situations. Divorce has made it possible for anxiety and grief to snake their way into my life, but I was able to work through it and come out on top.

Divorce has made me appreciative of the time with my children. I know that they are going to go with the other parent, but I’m not going to be jealous of that time or what they will be doing. Why? Because I’ve determined that I will make a strong effort to make the most out of the time that I have with my children. I will never allow them to wonder if the divorce was their fault or if I love them any less.

Divorce has made me reevaluate my life and get my crap together. I used to hide behind excuses as to why I couldn’t reach for that dream or achieve that goal. The divorce made me push my boundaries and explore possibilities that I never thought I could achieve, let alone surpass.

Prior to the divorce, I wore rose colored glasses that gave me the ability to turn a blind eye to so many things, but now? Now with those rosy glasses gone, I can see things clearer now and I can make the decision to let it, whatever “it” is, go and proceed in the direction I really want to go.

Thanks to my divorce, I can breathe and do what is best for me and my children.