After you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, it can be difficult to come to terms with its end when you find yourself single again. It is never an easy thing to come to terms with. After all, how do you simply move on when the person you shared the better part of your life with is no longer there?
We won’t lie and say that it is an easy process, but it is do-able. It will take time, effort, and perseverance, but you owe it to yourself to come to terms with the end of your previous relationship before you can even hope to move on to the next.
We asked members of MatureDating.com how they coped with their baggage after being in a relationship for years. These steps are considered to be the best ways to let go of that dreaded baggage.
1. Reflect on the Relationship
By taking some time to reflect on the relationship and analyzing the good and the bad, you are able to see the relationship a little clearer. When we are suffering from heartache, we tend to focus on the aspects that we will miss the most and ignore the arguments, the lonely nights, bouts of trust issues, and anything else that brought us dissatisfaction. By looking at the relationship as a whole, you are taking off the rosy glasses and seeing the flaws that existed and this can help with the healing process.
2. Create a List of Things That Bother You
Grab a notebook and pen, go to a secluded area where you can think, and begin writing everything and anything that comes to mind. If you are sad because your ex took your favorite picture or if they are still friends with your friends, write it down. This will help you go over your feelings with a fine tooth comb and work out each problem on its own. For example, if your ex is still friends with your friends, you can ask your friends to either disassociate themselves from the ex, or take the adult approach and ask them not to talk about you to the ex and vice versa.
3. Write Down What You Want
We aren’t talking about material things like a new car or anything like that—we are talking about what you expect when you finally are able to let go of the previous relationship and the ex. An example could be: “I want to be able to go to my favorite coffee shop without having a pit in my stomach because this is where we met.”
4. Take Steps to Achieving What You Want
For many, this is the hardest step because there are usually many memories that hold us back from truly moving on. Like in the example above, the only way you can begin to be okay with going to the coffee shop without feeling a sense of heartache is just by going to it. Yes, it will be difficult at first, but soon you’ll be remembered of the reasons why you enjoyed the place long before you met the ex there.