If you’re anything like the millions of other single parents, you may have waited to date again once they grew up and went away to college or moved out of the house. Either way, you probably thought to yourself that they shouldn’t have a problem with your decision to date again because they are grown and living their own lives. However, that isn’t always the case.
Actually, you may be shocked to learn that older kids have a lot more to say about your dating than you would have imagined. If your children are acting strangely after you tell them the news about your decision to date again, here are some useful bits of advice that can help neutralize the situation and get them on board.
Don’t wait for them to come to you.
Although older kids are able to communicate their thoughts and feelings much better than younger children, it doesn’t always mean that they will. You might want to believe that if your children are having difficulties reconciling the fact that you are dating again, but the truth is they may withdraw and then act like nothing is going on. Instead of waiting for them to open up, be proactive and meet them for lunch where they can open up and talk about what they are feeling.
Make sure they understand that you’re being cautious.
A lot of times older kids feel like since you’re older, you may not be able to handle the world and the predators out there. They want you to be okay and not find yourself in a position where you’re going to be hurt again. This is especially prevalent when you tell them that things are getting serious with the person you’ve been seeing, even after it’s only been a short time. Your children care about you and they don’t want to see you jump into a situation that could cause you heartache.
Ask for their opinion and advice.
Sometimes adult kids may get the feeling that now that you are dating, you won’t have any time for them. You can easily change this by coming to them for advice on certain aspects of your relationship.
When you go to them for advice about anything, it helps them feel included and it helps them to see you as a person and not just mom.
Talk about any money concerns.
We don’t want to focus on money, but sometimes it needs to be said. Sometimes when you bring a new partner into the family, especially if they have children of their own. Your kids may be concerned if the step-siblings are going to eat up the inheritance; however, you will probably want to talk about it. Listen to their concerns and let them know that your partner isn’t in the relationship for your money, but for you.
Make it clear that you are happy.
Children, no matter their age, can feel like their parents are settling and they aren’t truly happy with the people they may be seeing. It is important that you let your kids know that you are happier now than you’ve been in a long time, and you want nothing more than for them to be happy for you. By telling them your feelings and making them understand where you are with the relationship, they may back off and support your decisions to date 100%.