Mature man toying with gold wedding ring on finger
Being divorced stinks, but the positive side about being divorced is that you get to date again. Here are some questions newly divorced folk often ask about dating.
Will I ever learn how to move on and date again?
Of course! Perhaps the real question here should be “When” instead. Dating is actually part of the healing process post-divorce. Anyone whose been through a divorce or even a breakup can tell you that you’ll never truly get over the previous relationship unless you’re moving forward. Even if you don’t feel ready to date again, there are some productive things you can do to help you spend your time.
- Go to work and throw yourself into a project
- Pick up a hobby you’ve been putting off
- Volunteer for a good cause
- Go to the gym to release some stress
Will anyone want to date me?
You already know that you have a lot to offer someone, so of course, people are going to want to date you. Because you were married, you’ve already got the experience needed to successfully navigate a long term relationship. You’ve got a better idea of what you are willing to accept in a relationship and this could be your biggest asset. Many men don’t have that perspective and they make choices of who to date off the fly. You can be more decisive and selective.
How is dating different after a divorce?
- You’ve been hurt and you’re afraid of being hurt again, so naturally you’re going to be a little hesitant about dating.
- You’re going to be more selective about the people you are going to spend your time with.
- You’re divorced. As wrong as it may be to judge someone for their past, this is something you cannot avoid.
When will I be ready?
We can’t really tell you when you’ll be ready because everyone has their own healing process. Chances are you’ll be ready to date much sooner than you think.
What should I not do on a date?
- Compare them to your ex. You don’t want to offend the woman you are seeing and frankly, its doing her a disservice. She already knows that your divorced and when you compare her to the ex, it will definitely sour the whole evening.
- Talk too much about the divorce. You know how during the dating process before you were married that you shouldn’t talk about past relationships? The same rule applies here. You shouldn’t talk about your divorce—even if she brings it up and wants to know more. In this instance, talk about it briefly and amicably as possible.
- Bad mouth the ex. If the topic of the ex does come up in conversation, keep it very neutral and use generalized terms. Your date doesn’t expect you to praise her, but she also doesn’t expect you to trash talk her either.
What should I do on a date? - Be open to new experiences. This is a new chapter in your life, so you are going to want to take in new experiences. Let yourself enjoy new things!
- Get out there before you think you’re ready. This doesn’t mean that you should start dating again a week after you’ve been divorced, but you also don’t want to start again until you are certain that you are ready. Why? There is going to be a part of you that will never feel like you’re ready to date again.
- Be selective about who you share your time with. Protect yourself from making bad judgments by being a bit more cautious about who you start dating.